1. Today, I was completely exposed.


    Photo via Julia

    Today was rough, horrible, completely memorable in a not so great way. Today was one of those days where you are the fly and life is the car windshield; ugly, graphic and hard to clear away. I do have to admit that all the blame shouldn’t be placed on this single glorious day, but on all the recent days leading up to it.

    Today’s awful, not so great day was a culmination of all of life’s recent pressures, coming together at a peak and them completely blowing up in my face. Today was the day that I needed a pair of boxing gloves just to make it through the work day and a day when I didn’t have enough energy to fight. Today was the day that the pressure of opening my online shop by the end of June became to much, and things needed to be reassessed. Today was the day that I was temporarily convinced I shouldn’t be a blogger because I’m boring, the stuff I write about is bland, I don’t have a “voice” and the content I put out there is just plain shit. Today was also the day that my to-do list exceeded what was physically possible to achieve, not today…maybe not in this lifetime. Last but not least, today was the day the laundry piled way too high, the living room rug became an award-winning collector of dog fur, the refrigerator became completely empty, and I still haven’t had a chance to get my butt to a salon an get my hair dyed. Yeah…that was today.

    I’m feeling completely defeated and living on the edge of insanity is just not my cup of tea. I need to take a BIG deep yoga breath (maybe 5,000 would be good), take a little time for me, and come up with a game plan to make life a little more manageable. I’m not one to let life defeat me and when it makes a really great attempt, I make lists. Lots and lots of lists. (predictable) I brainstormed in a hot bath tub filled with aloe bubbles until my toes were embarrassingly wrinkly. Of course I cried…a lot, and I whined that there would never be a solution. After coming back down to reality I think I managed to come up with a 6-step plan. (or at least a start of something solid)

    Step one is to eat something. Stat. Step two is to make lists (DUH) of things that are absolutely crucial. I’m talking about “What’s absolutely necessary to get done in the next 30 min?”, and work from there. Small baby steps are the way to go. Step three is to reach out to the people I’m closest to and bloggers who I value their opinions, and see if they have any insights about some of the things I’m struggling with. My hope is to gain perspective from doing this. Step four is to come up with a blogging schedule that will give me something to plan my weekly posts against. More structure and less flying by the seat of my pants kind of thing. ¬†Step five is to extend my shop launch deadline to be less concrete. Instead of it opening at the end of June, it will be opening “this summer”. ¬†This allows me to produce a product that I’m 100% invested in and completely passionate about. I’ll also be removing the lookbook from my immediate tasks to accomplish. The lookbook is a want and not a need at this point. Step six is one of the most important. It’s time to get inspired again. I’m talking uber inspired.

    So that’s the plan, the immediate plan. Things may be adjusted as I work things out, but right now things are feeling a bit more manageable. By the end of this month, when I reach the beginning of my 25th year, I’ll be ready to take on anything that comes flying my way. Bring it on. Bring it on.

    Post referring to Thursday, June 9th

    1. Kaelah Bee says:

      This was my life yesterday. It almost seemed as the world was conspiring against me and life just didn’t want me to feel good about anything. It was an “off day” so I let myself have it. I let myself wallow in self-pity for a little while. I had a slight meltdown via Twitter (yikes!) and I left it there. I left all of yesterday IN yesterday. I went to bed upset, but promised myself that once I awoke, I would quite literally get out of bed “on the right side”.. and I did just that. I’m leaving all of yesterday’s troubles and frustrations there. They have no business in today. I think you did everything right and your steps are inspiring! I hope the past two days (err, day and a half?) have proven to be nothing short of magical for you! Sending lots of posi vibes your way! xo

    2. Jillian says:

      It is great to find another St. Louis blogger! Take your time and do what you want to do with your business–it will be worth it :) I know what you mean about feeling uninspired or just feeling like what you’re writing isn’t creative. I didn’t start my blog with a theme, I was just writing for myself…so that made it really confusing when I realized that I probably needed to figure that out. heh.

    3. You’re obviously not writing shit because I just read that beautifully written post and recognised all of it from crappy, weepy days of my own. I get less of them now, though. Much less. And so will you.

    4. I think your plan of attack is right on! I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s hard to gain perspective when you’re stuck in your own stress. Take as many breaths as you need and know that you will get what you need to get done!

      I enjoy your blog very much! Keep up the good work, it’s probably not as bad as you think! :)

    5. Jackie says:

      oh goodness. plans and lists usually make everything feel better. i hope your day gets a zillion times better.

    6. I’m so sad to hear you’re feeling this way, but it happens to the best of us. Personally, I have quite a bit on my plate. Work, painting for my solo show coming up in December, and I play in two bands. I’ve found that making lists of both short and long term goals (like you’ve begun to do) make things easier to see instead of keeping everything inside my brain. I really enjoy crossing tasks off of a list. My shoulders become a bit lighter everytime. Rewards (big and small) are also a nice treat and help to push me forward sometimes. That last one I learned from Elsie of “a beautiful mess” . Just know that you’re not alone, and enjoy the journey :)

    7. Kait says:

      Oh lady!! I’m so sorry to hear that you had such a rough day. Things can only get better from here though, right? Keep your chin up! I love reading every bit of every post from you. We all get there sometime or another, and I have no doubt that things WILL get better for someone as wonderful as you. Just try to keep your chin up and look for the positive in every situation! Take a day just for yourself! Much love.

    8. Fi Figueroa says:

      This is exactly what I love about blogging. It’s not just a place for pretty pictures. It’s a place to vent, share feelings and find others [wherever part of the world they are] that can relate. I for one, can totally relate. Sometimes it’s easier to show a happy face, and keep stacking that to-do list but sometimes, it PLAIN OL’ HARD! I went through a similar experience and the best thing I did was forget about deadlines for a full week. Who says I have to blog everyday? Who says I have to make jewelry and update every week? ya know? I call it my “do what I love plan” and I actually created a list of things I won’t do haha instead of a to-do list.

      I really salute you for rapidly getting grasp of what was happening and numbering it up into a solution! That takes great talent AND about 8,000,000 yoga breaths hehe Just know that sometimes it’s a good thing to be a bit “un scheduled” and have some YOU time. Dye that hair girl! haha You can blog about it later! <3


    9. Bonnie says:

      Oh wow this photo is so lovelyyy.



    10. Caitlin says:

      I have felt the exact same way in the last few weeks, lady. I think it’s great that you’re stepping back and reevaluating. I hope your next week is 8000 times better with each yoga breath you take. If you ever need someone to chat with you know where to find me! <3

    11. Shelley says:

      So sorry you’re feeling this way Cassie, I can totally relate in just about every sentiment. I think it’s natural to doubt ourselves, and can often end up being a good thing. All that you do really impresses me, it’s clear you’re someone with a lot of ambition and high expectations for yourself. Your plan is fantastic, you seem to have it all under control. Plans always make me feel better too. Hug!

    12. La says:

      I am so sorry to hear that you feel like this!! I think we all have those days when we think about ourselves and ourselves as bloggers and wonder whether anyone actually cares about what we write or if there is any substance to our blogs at all. But, that being said, I am a new viewer to your blog and I instantly fell in love. So you must be doing something really really right.
      Love your to-do list, its the best way to get things into perspective and not to be too hard on yourself. You and your blog are great!

      <3 La.

    Leave a Reply